Funny Car Insurance Claims

A collection of funny car insurance claims from around the world. Some of these are are so funny!

Funny Car Insurance Claims

More funny car insurance claims.....

The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.

"Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early."

"I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof."


"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind."

"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."

"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."

"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."

"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"

"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."


Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: "I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan."

"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."

"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."

"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"

"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"

"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."


"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."

"My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."

"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."

"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."

"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."

"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."


"The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."

"The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. "

"I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."

"I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before."

"When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."

"The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal."

"No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert."

"I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."

"The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him."

"I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact."

"The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."

"My car got hit by a submarine." (The Navy informed the wife of a submariner that the craft was due in port. She drove to the base to meet her husband and parked at the end of the slip where the sub was to berth. An inexperienced ensign was conning the sub and it rammed the end of the slip, breaking a section away, causing her car to fall into the water. The Navy paid the compensation claim.) (Thanks Jay Kuivinen)

Jasper Carrott Funnies...

The English comedian Jasper Carrott has used funny car insurance claims in his stand-up act for a long time, including some featured above. Here are a few more...

"I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings."

"The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week."

"I knocked over a man; he admitted it was his fault for he had been knocked down before."

"A house hit my car." (A house was being moved by a large truck. My friend had his car parked on the side of the road correctly. The house began to tilt off the truck and eventually fell off the truck, landing on my friend's car. He eventually had the insurance paid, after lengthy explanation and the moving company confirming the story.)

Got any other funny car insurance claims? If so, please add it by commenting

Car Insurance Incentives

In the UK, the credit crunch seems to be having an intriguing affect on car insurance companies. In a bid to appeal to cash strapped customers, it seems that each company is offering an incentive to be sure that their own policies are the ones we go for, and cash back offers are the current trend. But are car insurance incentives really as good as they sound?

Cash back is a simple method to tempt customers, and it seems that the majority of car insurance companies (as well as some general insurance companies) are using the tactic, with the most recent being Tesco, who offer £50 to all club card holders, whilst Halifax go further offering £50 initially, following with another £50 payment every year you renew.

Of course, some such cash back offers have been met with sneers of derision from finance commentators, newspapers, and other insurers alike – warning that such incentives may well confuse customers into taking out policies which may well have been cheaper with a competitor in the long run. Simply, many are arguing that the very mention of cash back is another factor to add into the equation of working out the price, whilst taking in the basic cost, and then considering such frills as a courtesy car or breakdown cover – for it is these latter factors that differ so greatly in price between insurers.

Additionally, others are warning that customers must be careful to ensure that their cash back is included if you proceed to buy through comparison sites, as well as direct – or even if you have to do so over the phone. Similarly, there are also insurers who stipulate that you must activate the payment yourself, in the hope that you forget the offer after a few months.

Thinking about the trend in the context of price comparison websites, one can’t help but wonder whether insurers have begun such incentives specifically in order to hinder the efficiency of such sites. Following another recent, but less publicized, trend in which insurers have begun incorporating their own comparison sections on their sites to increase user traffic (and subsequently conversions), this notion doesn’t seem so far-fetched. And one wonders how far these incentives will go over the next year as insurance companies compete with each other tooth to tooth. One also hopes that too many customers aren’t duped by callous companies offering great deals and perks, but masking other essential charges.

Auto Mechanics at Risk for Asbestos Cancer

Asbestos is a naturally occurring mineral that has been used for decades by the automotive industry. It is mainly used in the manufacturing of brake pads and linings, clutch facings, and gaskets. Many people are under the mistaken impression that asbestos has been completely banned from use but the truth is that millions of these products still remain on vehicles in use today.

This poses a severe exposure risk to auto mechanics as the inhalation of asbestos dust can lead to serious illnesses like asbestosis, lung cancer and mesothelioma. Pleural mesothelioma is an aggressive and painful cancer that forms in the lining of the lungs.

Exposure occurs when asbestos-containing materials are disturbed or damaged. When this happens, dust filled with microscopic asbestos fibers is released into the air. As there is continual abrasion on brake pads and clutches, a large portion of the toxic material is trapped inside the brake housing or clutch space, and is then released when replacement or repair work is performed. Airborne asbestos fibers are easily inhaled and can even be ingested. Ingesting asbestos is the only known cause of peritoneal mesothelioma.

Symptoms usually do not show up until 15 to 25 years after exposure and the cancer is usually in advanced stages by the time it is diagnosed. As a result, mesothelioma doctors often find it difficult to treat the cancer effectively. It is estimated that since 1940 more than six million mechanics have been exposed to asbestos in brakes. Those exposures are now resulting in about 580 asbestos-related cancer deaths a year. Deaths caused by exposure to asbestos brake products had been originally been expected to peak around the year 2012, however, because asbestos is still used in some brake products being sold today, it could mean the deaths will continue to climb.

The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has issued a detailed brochure that offers information regarding OSHA's regulations for commercial automotive shops concerning asbestos.

Traditional Vs Pay-As-You-Go Car Insurance

With the rise of price comparison websites and combined trend of the general public to research far more thoroughly before they commit to a policy, the car insurance industry is undergoing a time of tough competition. Additionally, drivers today are also offered the option of pay-as-you-go or pay-as-you-drive auto insurance. So what are the pros and cons of this variation compared to your traditional insurance policy?

Pay-as-you-go car insurance essentially covers you and your vehicle for exactly the times you drive. It takes into account whether you drive at peak or off-peak times and what type of road you drive on; and you pay in relation to when, where, and how long you drive over a monthly period. This has been heralded as a great option, specifically, for younger drivers who are in the more expensive insurance bracket, but who drive infrequently in comparison to the average – and at off-peak times.

However, it must be acknowledged that in order for your insurance company to record exactly when and where you are driving, you must at first have your vehicle installed with a device, not dissimilar to a GPS system, that can track the position and speed of your car and send back the information to your insurance company. Often, but not always, these are available at an additional cost.

The most positive aspect of pay-as-you-go car insurance is the accuracy by which it records your journeys. For instance, if you spend the majority of the month driving at 70mph on the dual carriageway only at weekends – you are then not charged for the increased risk of driving in a 30 zone during the working week. This is then an incentive to keep aware of the money you might be spending on a journey by journey basis, and may mean that you use your vehicle less to make those small trips to the local shop.

Despite this, the pay-as-you-go option may certainly suit some drivers over others. For example, more mature drivers may already be receiving unbeatably low premiums, and for others it simply may not be convenient to drive away from ‘high-risk’ roads at off peak times. There are other benefits frmo having the device installed, however, such as making your car easier to track should it be stolen. Yet, some drivers may not like the idea that their insurance company are also aware of your driving habits right down to how often you break the speed limit, and should you need to make a claim, this information might not work in your favour.